thatonefatchick
How can you RAP?
Love is a hard hard thing to have in your life. It's so nice when it's all sweets and kisses and snuggles and cookies and dates and amazing conversation and being on the same page... but when things get difficult you don't know what to do. Well, maybe some people do, but I don't. Especially with the love I'm in right now. It's so much stronger than anything I have ever felt in my life. And when things go wrong I feel lost. And scared to lose what I have with this amazing person.
This amazing person who does and says amazing things and then completely forgets about my feelings. I wish it were easier and I wish I wasn't a sensitive being, but it's not easy and I AM sensitive. And although I love him I don't want to have to change who I am just to make it work. Is that wrong? Should you do anything for love? Even if it's changing who you are? Don't two people fall in love with the person they met in the first place? If so, why is change required? Why do I even feel like I have to change to make him happy?
When it's good, it's fucking great! But when it's bad... my world is upside down. I hate feeling like that. It's like I'm this strong woman one day and the next I am some pathetic, drunk, crying weeple. And I say things that I don't mean and so does he. And I want to make it better, but anger gets in the way of both of our lines of sight. I feel stuck. Are things perfect in a relationship if you're meant to be with them? Do soulmates fight and cry at each other? Do they ever have discontent feelings and longing to get out? I'm so confused...
I want to be with this person for the rest of my life and yet I still can't figure out how to keep him happy 24 hours a day. Which is my new goal in life. Is that a terrible goal to have? It can't be terrible if that's what makes ME happy... but I don't succeed everyday. I can't keep him from slipping into a distant, angry state of mind every fucking day. There's always something I do that pisses him off every once in a while. Is this normal?
He says he doesn't want to lose me and he probably never will, but I want to be that strong woman I used to be before I had him and tell him: "It's not okay, the way that I feel. If you don't want to lose me, then don't." He says I'm so much better than anyone he's ever had before. Do people tell their significant others that all the time? Even if it's not true? I know I don't... And if I'm so much better, why don't you treat me like it? Don't you value it? Do you really not want to lose me?
I need answers!!!
This amazing person who does and says amazing things and then completely forgets about my feelings. I wish it were easier and I wish I wasn't a sensitive being, but it's not easy and I AM sensitive. And although I love him I don't want to have to change who I am just to make it work. Is that wrong? Should you do anything for love? Even if it's changing who you are? Don't two people fall in love with the person they met in the first place? If so, why is change required? Why do I even feel like I have to change to make him happy?
When it's good, it's fucking great! But when it's bad... my world is upside down. I hate feeling like that. It's like I'm this strong woman one day and the next I am some pathetic, drunk, crying weeple. And I say things that I don't mean and so does he. And I want to make it better, but anger gets in the way of both of our lines of sight. I feel stuck. Are things perfect in a relationship if you're meant to be with them? Do soulmates fight and cry at each other? Do they ever have discontent feelings and longing to get out? I'm so confused...
I want to be with this person for the rest of my life and yet I still can't figure out how to keep him happy 24 hours a day. Which is my new goal in life. Is that a terrible goal to have? It can't be terrible if that's what makes ME happy... but I don't succeed everyday. I can't keep him from slipping into a distant, angry state of mind every fucking day. There's always something I do that pisses him off every once in a while. Is this normal?
He says he doesn't want to lose me and he probably never will, but I want to be that strong woman I used to be before I had him and tell him: "It's not okay, the way that I feel. If you don't want to lose me, then don't." He says I'm so much better than anyone he's ever had before. Do people tell their significant others that all the time? Even if it's not true? I know I don't... And if I'm so much better, why don't you treat me like it? Don't you value it? Do you really not want to lose me?
I need answers!!!
No Osculations - Osculate.
I am turning into a girl I never wanted to be. I always said I would never ever say I need someone but tonight I do. This week I do. This month I do. I just do.
And I hate it. I don't want to feel like I'm worth something because of someone else. I guess I just got used to it. Being with someone who loved me more than themselves. Knowing that when I went home there would be someone waiting for me. Knowing that I didn't have to love myself because someone else did for me. But that's gone and I'm clueless.
Why do I have to be this person? Why couldn't I have been born a different way. Is this my plan in life? To be a desperate self-loathing little girl? I don't want to be me anymore. I want to switch lives. Take a walk in someone else's shoes just once.
But I'm stuck. forever. Help me out of this hole.
And I hate it. I don't want to feel like I'm worth something because of someone else. I guess I just got used to it. Being with someone who loved me more than themselves. Knowing that when I went home there would be someone waiting for me. Knowing that I didn't have to love myself because someone else did for me. But that's gone and I'm clueless.
Why do I have to be this person? Why couldn't I have been born a different way. Is this my plan in life? To be a desperate self-loathing little girl? I don't want to be me anymore. I want to switch lives. Take a walk in someone else's shoes just once.
But I'm stuck. forever. Help me out of this hole.
No Osculations - Osculate.
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